Jimmy

A guy I knew in high school passed away this summer. My friend Kirsten and her fmaily kept in touch with his family and she passed along his wife's blog to me to read during Jimmy's fight with cancer and eventually his death. I find myself going back to her blog for words of comfort and peace. She is so eloquent in her writing and so strong in her faith that I am inspired by her wisdom and walk with God. Below are some excerpts from her blog during Jimmy's passing that I wanted to share with everyone. You can also read more on www.pray4jim.blogspot.com.



"This afternoon, I was hovering over him for awhile, loving on him, and then told him I was going to lay down for a bit. I awoke to his last breath here. He left in his style...strong and calm. I can only imagine his last breath here was his first breath in Heaven. And, I would imagine in Heaven you don't even breathe with your lungs, but breathe in with your whole being the Presence of GOD. I can only imagine how good he must feel after all this time to be pain free and completely whole in a way he has never experienced.


The days after J left us were the most difficult I have every experienced in my life as the scents of his presence faded from our house, and I was left with nothing to feel close to him again. But, the other day was the first day I did not wish J to come back. And, to be brought to a place of being okay with knowing that he is gone is a gift. It became a gift because I can truly know he is in a place where coming back would take away from the perfection of where he is now. I truly believe J is gone. I don't think he is "watching over me and the kids" or that I can continue to have conversations with him...I just know he is not here anymore, and he has completely forgotten about us, this life and everything that was in it. And, that thought is by no means harsh, but he is in a place where he can finally have a limitless capacity to receive and give Love...and the limits of this world is where the pain of that lack exists. Towards the end, I told J, "You will forget about us. You won't even want to come back. It is like snorkeling in Ocean City and then surfing at Lani's on the North Shore. It can't compare, and you won't ever want to go back. And, that is a beautiful thing."

And, now for the kids and me, we are in total immersion in GOD's grace for these moments. So, please do not feel sorry for us, we have a specific grace upon us carrying us through, that at times, is even unexplainable to us as we feel ourselves moving through it. We have been left with so many amazing memories, good days, just not enough years....but what we are left with is the core strength of who J was, and that has transferred over to us as a family still very much connected to him. I have learned that I am way more capable than I had ever dreamed. I have learned to not be overcome by adversity, to keep moving forward in weakness and inexperience, and fight for what you love most in this life...I have just learned to be less afraid and trust GOD more. And, not that I am the ultimate pupil in this plan, at the expense of my husband's life being sacrificed so that I can live less afraid, but just that GOD has brought, once again, goodness and growth out of an extraordinary circumstance."