Reflections

Yesterday was the two week mark when I was hit with the news that my longtime friend Jenna passed away due to complications of Leukemia. I was on business travel in Radford, VA and had just checked into the hotel. Something inside me was telling me to check my emails so I logged onto the hotel's computer and saw an "Urgent" email from my sister Jennifer. I immediately opened the email and saw that Theresa, a mutual friend of ours, has been trying to reach me to tell me about Jenna. My heart sank because I knew at that point, it wasn't going to be good. I immediately called Theresa and she began to fill me in on what was going on with Jenna when all of a sudden she received an IM from Tamra, Jenna's sister, stating that Jenna had died. I crashed to the ground and just cried. I kept saying to myself that it wasn't true, it couldn't be. I had all these questions wondering what happened? How could this happen?! I then called Stacey to tell her the news. I was to have a business meeting the next day with Radford University to talk about energy programs for the campus, but knew that I could not handle a meeting at that point, so my colleague Charlie and I packed up and headed home. Thanks to Charlie for his support and understanding during the 4+ hours driving home.

Two weeks have passed and I find myself thinking about the things I wish I took the time to tell her, wishing that I didn't hold off on calling her when she was readmitted, and wishing Stacey and I had gone to see her in TN like we had planned. As we all know, life's responsibilities get in the way at times and we tend to get busy with the daily things of life. I think I will always hold onto that guilt of not going down to see her when we should have. Being a parent herself and knowing how limited time is, I know Jenna understood, but it still doesn't wipe away the guilt I feel. Weeks will continue to pass, as will months and years. The grief of losing a close friend or relative is indeed hard, but I know Jenna would not want me to mourn her passing, but continue celebrating the life she had. I have enjoyed reading all the blogs from her family and friends as we grieve together and am finding comfort in reading them as it is helping me deal with her passing. I especially enjoy reading the blogs of her TN friends because they interacted with Jenna daily and I am learning more about the life Jenna had in TN. I appreciate the support family and friends have given me and thank you for the sympathy cards and well wishes I have received. I greatly appreciate the support Stacey has given me!

If there is one thing I have learned from her death is that life is indeed short. We constantly remind ourselves of this fact, but still take it for granted all too often. We find ourselves putting off to tomorrow what we can do today. No more of that! We are NOT guaranteed another day! Just as Jenna said "live life to the fullest and remember to make the most of each day and make sure you tell and show people how much they mean to you because you never know if it's the last time you'll see them" I intend to do just that. Family has always been important to me and because of all of this, it has become even more important to me now. I am going to slow down and not feel I have to rush, realize what I thought was important, really isn't. It can wait. Stacey, Jack and Caroline and the pending arrival of Lauren Jenna will be even more of a focus for me and will continue to always come first in my life. For folks out there reading this, slow down, take the time for your loved ones, realize what truly is important in your life what you leave behind you when you go.

Since Jenna's passing, I find myself reflecting on three books I have read this past year; "The 5 People You Meet in Heaven", "One More Day" (both by Mitch Albom), and "90 Minutes in Heaven" (Don Piper). These three novels were wonderful reads and encourage anyone to read them. I know Jenna will be one of those 5 people I meet in Heaven. She had a remarkable impact on me as a friend. I know that I will never be able to pick up the phone to call her, but I still know I can talk to her and she will be listening, just like she always did. I will miss her tremendously.

Here is a picture that was taken at Jenna's funeral. This is the "Middlebury Group" of friends (Eric, Jennifer, Gena, Theresa, Janna, and me). We all hung out together during high school and all have great memories. This picture is taken with Jenna's mother, Janna. She welcomed all of us into her home each and every day and treated us as her own. We all collectively have great memories of those days we shared with Jenna.